Categories, Rambles

Comparison

Six years. Five years. Two years. One year. Today.

Ever realize how much of our time here on Earth we compare to those of others? Ever realize how much of our time we spend focused on the bad things that happened in our lives rather than the good? Ever realize how much you believe your timeline of life revolves around the bad? Ever realize how much during every single day you compare your life to others around you?

I’m completely guilty of all of this.

There are so many times where I spend time dwelling on the idea of what if? What if this? What if that? What if I had done better? What if I had stayed longer? What if I would’ve picked up the phone? Would things have been different? Would my life be the way that I wanted? (Not that I even know how life would be if things didn’t happen).

I find that when I look back at my life, I focus on all the negatives rather than the positives. When someone asks what happened x amount of time ago, I normally find the negative that happens in that time period and speak about that.

Ask me what happened six years ago and I normally would tell you something bad rather than I had the best roommates who taught me so much and that I’ve never properly thanked them. I wouldn’t tell you that I met my best friend. I wouldn’t tell you about my journey of living on my own. I wouldn’t tell you about the people that impacted me. Rather, I would find a negative.

Same goes with five years ago. Two years ago. One year ago.

Two years ago, I made two of the biggest accomplishments in my life (or so in my opinion). Two years ago, I graduated college and obtained my Bachelor’s in Communication Studies. Two years ago, I found my home church. I found where I was finally able to be me. I found where things finally made sense. I was finally learning about the Lord.

But yet, here I am today. Today, I realize how negative I’ve been. How many times I’ve compared my life to others. I often find myself discouraged seeing how many of my peers have “achieved” so much more than me.

Today, I realized that they haven’t achieved more than me. They followed their dreams, while I’m still learning about mine. Every day is a new day. Every day brings along a new dream and new task.

If I’m being truthful, I’ve learned that lately even though I’ve been happy and content with my life. I’m afraid. I feel guilty. Afraid that I shouldn’t be okay with the cards life has been dealt to me and while I wish everyday that I could still have the most important people here with me – I’ve learned so much about myself and what I can accomplish on my own.

While my life isn’t picture perfect, I’m glad it isn’t. I’m glad it doesn’t look like someone else’s because then it wouldn’t be MY life. I understand God has a specific plan for me and that I won’t accomplish that plan while comparing myself to others.

This week I plan to focus on: Galatians 6:4-5 and Proverbs 3:5-6.

Hugs and Highfives,

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P.S. My hope and plan is to be able to write more and to be more transparent, to be honest with my struggles and issues and to be honest with my happiness. Writing is my outlet and I enjoy sharing (most) with others because you never know what you’re going through could be something that could help someone else. Please don’t take anything personally or the wrong way. I don’t edit my blog posts, they’re raw thoughts from my head to keyboard.

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